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 Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship

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firebid1030
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PostSubject: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Sun Aug 17, 2014 5:12 am

Chapter 1:The  Unexpected  Friendship and Bethany's arrival

Once there were two girls who were from different parts of the magix's dimension. One faithfully day one of the girls was born in a cave and show her parents killed by a dark fairy and she run away but one day the servant to the king and queen of Andros found her and take her in."

"The other girl was born in a flower and the Lynphea elders take her in like she was one of their own they also trained her in the way of the flowers."

"One day Alina was swimming in Andros when she noticed a poor baby seahorse was being picked on by a mean shark."

"Alina told the shark to leave her alone but the shark don't listen but instead chowed at her"

"Alina swim for her life until she fly out of the water and fly all the way to the kingdom of Andros because that shark was a servent to dark soul"

(Later that day Fran noticed a poor tree was about to be cut down by a mean man that wanted to turn the whole planet of Lynphea into a mall.)

(Fran decided to run front of the bulldozer and all of a sudden Fran used her flower petal attack and it attacked the man in the bulldozer making him flee.)

(The people were shocked to see Fran use her powers everyone whispered about it.)

(Fran decided to go Alfea to study her powers more.)

(Meanwhile on Andros Alina was still being chased by the shark the shark followed her to the kingdom until she hit the shark in the nose with a bubble.)

(Everyone in the kingdom of Andros looked at her like she was a freak she decided to go to Alfea the college for fairies to study her powers more.)

(The next afternoon both girls want to Alfea college but they both had trouble found friends thanks to their personalities  until they both hear a cry from a flower and baby seal.)  

(Who were both in danger there was a giant ogre about to eat little seal  and about to crush the flower.)

(The girls noticed each other and Fran said let's help those creatures.)

(Then introduce each other Alina nodded her head agreeing with Fran.)

"She used her bubble burst to make the ogre blind."

"Fran used her sleeping pollen to make him sleep when the ogre noticed them he tried to crush them."  

(Fran decided to use all the power of the flowers to throw the flower petals at  the ogre making him run away in fear.)

(Someone was watching her when she was attacking the ogre.)

(Then the girls introduced each other Fran want first.)

"She said Hi My Name is Fran!"

"Alina said Hi My Name is Alina!"  

"Where are you from? Fran asked."

"Fran answered oh i'm from Lynphea"

"How about you she said."

"Alina said she was from Andros."

"Fran asked Where were you born?"

"Fran said she was born in a flower?"

"Alina said she was born in a cave?"

"Fran asked Who are your parents?"

"Fran said the Lynphea elders she added she was found by them."

"Alina told Fran she was found by a dark fairy but she run away after she show her animal friend get killed by the fairy."

"Then Alina burst into tears and said she was lucky to be found by the servants because he killed her animal or the dark fairy would have killed me."

(That  day Fran and Alina enrolled in Alfea discovered they were in the same classes Fran had a class with her Winx Club hero Flora.)

(It was amazing Flora was great plus she was super nice to the class.)

(Alina had a class with her hero Aisha it was very fun she learned a lot)

(After class the girls want to the Magix's mall when they noticed a witch named Heather who was picking on a math fairy named Bethany she asked Heather to stop picking her.)

(Isabella don't listen she just used her dark magic to her more that is until Fran stood up to her and told her to stop picking on the poor math fairy.)

"Isabella get annoyed by Fran and pushed her down then Alina stood up to her too."

"Isabella just blasted Alina with her magic  everyone at the mall was looking at them like save the poor girl."

(But Fran decided she had enough she summoned all the power of flowers and she used her flower petal attacked that throw flower petals she used on the ogre the day before.)

(Isabella screamed for help from her sisters Steph and Dina who were the sister of Isabella)

(Isabella and her sisters were called The Dark soul sisters.)

(They decided to toy with the fairies until Flora and Aisha stepped in and attacked the witches with all their powers.)

(Flora and Aisha turn to the girls to tell them to go back to Alfea they will aid to the injured fairy.)

(So Flora and Aisha take Beth to the infirmary room at the school.)

(Where she meet her idol Techa who told her to enroll in the school because she know her from a friend of her family.)

(Beth decided to enroll at Alfea she started classes. She had a class with Techa her hero.)

(The class had a lot of cool technology but all she wanted to learn was math.)

"Techa told her to come back to class tomorrow."

(Techa get confused on what Bethany's powers were.)

(Both girls decided to go back to the college Alina had a feeling she has seen Heather somewhere before.)

(Meanwhile at cloud tower you see that the tower was already taken over by an evil wizard named Dark Soul  who had the power to turn people evil.)

(He was the dark fairy who killed Alina's sea animal and made her watch the whole thing.)

(He also trained her in dark magic but he couldn't complete her training because she run away before he could make her fully evil or destroy her.)

(But he already had another student it was Isabella who had the power of draining energy just like her master)  

(Her sisters had the power to create strong tides together.)

(Meanwhile at the school Fran asked Alina if she know that witch Alina told her she just don't know.)

"The next morning Dark Soul attacks the school and asks for Alina but the fairies just don't want to tell him."

"So the villain decides to destroy half of the school and all of the students fell but it was lucky the Winx saved all of them from getting hurt."

"Techa asked the man Who are you?"

"Dark soul He replied"

"But before he could finish his sentence bloom attacked him."  

"Dark soul decided to drain her power"

"Then she turned into dark bloom she fly to Dark soul's side"  

"Sky screams No she is dark bloom again i will destroy you he said."

"All dark soul did was laugh then left without a trace with dark bloom behind him."

"Fran asked Alina who was that man and she answers she said she was his half -father."

"She bursted out into tears and said it's all my fault i never should have come here in the first place i guess i will be a freak where ever i go."

(That night Alina run away from Alfea and she want back home.)

"She locked herself in her room Alina know she had to found herself and find a way to destroy her half-father she just don't know how to do it."

"A couple hours later Isabella and her sisters break into her home and freezes her adopted parents to the wall"

"Isabella tells her to give up her powers so she does."

"The Winx and Fran came to rescue her they make Isabella Steph and Dina to retreat back to Cloud tower where dark soul with dark bloom was planning their next move."

"Dark bloom says let's take Fran her friend and i know how"

(she whispers the plan to dark soul and we see him smiling)  

"Later that night at Alfea they welcome back Alina."

(Beth the new student of Alfea thanked both Alina and Fran for saving her from Isabella.)

(A little awhile later the whole college hears a scream then a crash.)

(Alina and Beth run out of their room to see that Fran has gone missing.)

(Beth noticed a note from Dark Bloom).

"Saying We have Fran come cloud tower alone Signed Dark Bloom"  


(We see that Fran is being kidnapped by Dark Bloom).

(We see Fran with a gag on her mouth and her hands tied behind her back having dark bloom take her all the way to cloudtower.)

(Next time on Fran Alina and Bethany's magical journey Beth will discover she has the power of math when she is asked to solve one of Techa's math problems and we will be introduced to heather and Alina will talk to dark soul)

Chapter 2: Bethany's first day and heather's arrival

Last time on Fran and Alina and Bethany's Unexpected journey Fran and Alina meet for the first time and enrolled in Alfea college for fairies They also saved girl named Bethany and the school but bloom turned evil by a mystrious man named Dark Soul and they kidnapped Fran)

" Mhmmm Mhmmm Mhmmm Mhmmm Mhmmm which means let me go you creeps says Fran gagged"

" Oh we will not let you go dear you're our bait for your friend Alina so you are not go anyway my dear" says Dark Soul putting his sharp nails on her face

" So what is next master" asks Isabella

" Oh i know what is next we wait right master" Says Dina

" Exactly that is right Dina we wait for here to arrive and attack right master" Says Steph

" Of course you girls remind me of the trix so annoying and yes we attack her but we don't hurt her because the master wants to talk to her and ask her why she left him"Says Dark Bloom

" Yes you are so smart Dark Bloom and i say we kidnap the math fairy next then the ice witch" Says Dark Soul with an evil grin on his face

(Meanwhile at alfea with Alina and Bethany)

"So they want me to come alone to save my friend i will have to wait until night time to find her"Says Alina

"Good luck with that friend i have to go to class now but first breakfest" Says Bethany

(Bethany magics up breakfest for herself,eats it and leaves something for Alina to eat so Alina doesn't go hungry)

" Morning Class welcome to math 101 our first learn to solve this hard problem who can solve it for me"Says Techa

" I can Techa" Says Bethany

(Bethany solves the problem quickly without using help)

" Wow i'm shocked you solved this problem without any help" Says Techa with a shocked face

" Yeah i can actually solve all the math problems in the world i have done it my entire life" Says Bethany

( The classroom looks at her shocked that she could solve that math problem)

( Meanwhile at Aisha's classes Alina was having trouble paying attention)

" Alina Alina something wrong" Asks Aisha

" Yeah everything is wrong i turned Bloom evil again i let my friend get kidnapped by a mystery man"Says Alina angry

"Oh okay oh okay calm down Alina sweetie your'e going to unleash your half dark fairy powers"Says Aisha trying to calm down Alina

" Oh your right Aisha thanks but i need to rescue Fran"Says Alina

" Oh she get kidnapped we need to tell to Miss Faragonda then" Says Aisha

( So Aisha tells miss faragonda all about Fran being kidnapped by Dark Soul the mystery man

" Attention Students you are not allowed to leave the school alone anyone catch will have detention with my friend miss griffin and grisdela" Says Miss Faragonda over the loud speaker

" Help me Help me Help me" screams Heather being picked on by mean fairies

" Hey you leave her alone" Says Alina looking at them

" who will make us stop you your the one who made us move to alfea because that mystery man wants you" Says Mean fairy 2

" Yeah make us you freak make us" Says Mean fairy leader who pushes her down

" Yeah you don't mess with us" Says Mean fairy 3

" Oh you guys don't mess with me right now" Says Alina

" What you going to use your dark magic on us ha ha ha ha don't make us laugh" Says Mean fairy leader

( the mean fairies laugh with her)

( Alina gets super angry and uses her dark bubble burst to hit the girls)

" Hi I'm Alina what is your name" Says Alina getting up

" Oh I'm Heather thanks for saving me you rock" Says Heather

" No Problem. exclaims Alina"

" Hey you want to sit with us.Asks Heather pointing at the table where Bethany is sitting"

" Oh hey your friends with Bethany" Asks Alina.

" Yeah we are old friends. Says Heather"

( The next night Alina sneaks out of the school without anyone noticing her)

" Well well well hello Alina you are looking good" Says Dark soul.

" Dark Soul let Fran go let her go" Says Alina angry.

" No we are not letting her go until you join us" Says Dark soul refusing.

" No i'm not joining you freak" Says Alina more angry.

" Oh you made a mistake i guess we will have to say good bye"Says Dark Soul blasting her with his dark magic.

(Alina gets blasted out of cloudtower injured and alone)

(Late that night we hear two more crashes and screams)

"We have two more of your friends you will join us or your friends will die one by one so come alone and fight me sense you will not be joining me" signed Dark Bloom.

"We see both Dark soul and Dark Bloom taking Heather and Bethany to Cloudtower bound and gagged"

(Next time Alina will go on a rescue mission to save her friends from dark soul bloom and Isabella and her sisters and the school goes on full lockdown)

Chapter 3:The dark and stormy night aka the Halloween episode

________________________________________________________________

RAWR bloom fairy of the dragon flame and when you play with fire you get burned


Last edited by firebid1030 on Sun Jan 18, 2015 4:47 am; edited 17 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Sun Aug 17, 2014 5:57 am

It's kind of hard to read because there are no paragraphs, some words are misspelled, and the names should be capitalized.

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firebid1030
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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Sun Aug 17, 2014 6:28 am

rashid29 wrote:
It's kind of hard to read because there are no paragraphs, some words are misspelled, and the names should be capitalized.

thank you edit it and i should have put it in paragraphs in the first place oh and btw if any of you mods see other names in this fanfic they are side oc's like Heather Teri and Darla and Dark Soul and Bethany

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RAWR bloom fairy of the dragon flame and when you play with fire you get burned
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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:43 am

There is a serious need for grammar correction here, you're also using many of the same words in a sentence. That is rather frowned on by many writers. Within the first part you have a run on sentence. Fire, I would suggest fixing this up a bit, run a grammar check and have someone beta read.
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firebid1030
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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Tue Sep 23, 2014 4:40 am

this is just the first draft of the fanfic the final draft is the right one which was posted last night late

________________________________________________________________

RAWR bloom fairy of the dragon flame and when you play with fire you get burned
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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Tue Sep 23, 2014 7:54 am

I also have a suggestion Is it possible to have some paragraphs added into your story? I know it sounds harsh, but it gives a bit more of an idea of what's going on in the story, since from skim reading it, I have NO clue of what's happening.

And I also agree with zero with somebody doing a beta read. This will provide really good feedback and help you improve in your writing. To add on to his suggestion, it's best to have someone read over it before posting it straight off, even if it's a draft.

I know it's not the best help I can give, but this is from my own experiences of writing stories.

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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Wed Sep 24, 2014 3:18 am

oh i might to so that this is my old version the new version is the one on top or bottom of this one

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RAWR bloom fairy of the dragon flame and when you play with fire you get burned
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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:30 am

It would be easier to read if you put quotation marks but your doing a good job Wink it would help improve your writing Smile .

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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:39 am

@zerowing21 wrote:
There is a serious need for grammar correction here, you're also using many of the same words in a sentence. ... run a grammar check and have someone beta read.

@yukai5 wrote:
I also have a suggestion Is it possible to have some paragraphs added into your story? I know it sounds harsh, but it gives a bit more of an idea of what's going on in the story....

@winxforeverfan wrote:
It would be easier to read if you put quotation marks ....

What they have stated would be my suggestion. You've got an interesting plot, but it's the aesthetics of the fiction that is making it hard for people to get on board and stay. How you present a fiction is just as important as what is in it. I highly, highly, highly recommend you run this through Microsoft Word and then find someone who will beta it and have them look it over and run it through Word and then send it back. Beta readers are an amazing gift, and I even have one.
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PostSubject: Re: Fran Alina And Bethany's Magical Journey Episode 1 An Unexpected Friendship    Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:42 am

@firebid1030 wrote:
this is just the first draft of the fanfic the final draft is the right one which was posted last night late
I don't mind doing the proof reading for you ^^

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